Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?

I am developmentally stunted. They spent years telling us how advanced and fabulous we were in TAG class, but they left me utterly unprepared and disadvantaged in one key area: boys.

Seriously, put a bunch of nerdy kids together all day, every day throughout their formative years and they are bound to end up a bit retarded about the opposite sex. For example: in fifth grade, a girl in our class wrote a fake love letter and signed it with the name of a boy in our class. A boy who walked straight into high school and straight out of the closet.

So anyway, I left grade school behind years again (although law school doesn't seem to realize this), but I am just now realizing how behind I am.

Case in point: I keep falling for bad boys. This is the same fixation that every other girl got out of her system at age 15...except me. And it's not just any bad boy, but THE most cliche of all bad boys. You know, the one in the leather jacket, smoking a cigarette and leaning against his motorcycle.

I met one the other night. He started talking about his bike and I practically squealed. "Oh my god, I can't believe you ride a motorcycle! [batting eyelashes] Isn't it dangerous?? [touching arm]" (Answer: yes, just ask his busted knee.) You could practically hear the Grease soundtrack start playing.

Luckily (yeah, luckily) my memory is pretty spotty by this point, so the rest of the embarrassing details are lost in a haze of High Life and hormones. Of course, had this actually been high school we would have made out under the bleachers and I would be home by curfew. Instead, I woke up the next morning with various items of leather and motorcycle boots strewn across my floor and a hell of a hangover...

I blame TAG.

(Also, shh, don't tell my parents.)