Disco Fever

Yeah, so I may have literally dipped my fingernails in glitter tonight.

(Yes, on purpose.)

Turns out? Awesome!

Have I mentioned how little fun it is to study for the bar? These are the distractions, people!

score one for my dignity

I was just starting to miss my Perez Hilton fix when I saw this.

And now my satisfaction at giving it up has been reaffirmed.

Posting upskirt pictures of a minor? Really?

It may be kind of arbitrary to get more indignant about this than other crap he's posted, but then again...

He's finally crossed the line from "tacky" to "potentially felonious."

What an idiot.

Ok...NOW I feel old.

I turned 27 two weeks ago.

My friends have either hit 28 or are rapidly approaching.

My brother turned 30 yesterday.

My high school reunion is next year.

None of this made me feel old.

Until now.


I just realized...

My first date with the high school boyfriend? Was exactly TEN years ago.

Where did it go?

French (Blue) Tips

Why haven't I tried this sooner!?

I sense the beginnings of a very fun summer for B's nails!

A Birthday to Remember

Once upon a time, can't believe how long ago, I had a very short-lived affair. A few shacks, a couple dates, a ride home from Purdue - really nothing to write home about. 

Except that the affair was with one of my brother's best friends. 

(Brother may have won the battle in high school with the "overprotective big bro" thing he had going on, but once I turned 21...all bets were off.)

So yeah, I ran into Friend at the bars one night - he was at a bachelor party that Brother had (conveniently for me) bailed out on, and I was just out of college and trying not to be "Brother's little sister" anymore. 

But Brother was still very much in overprotective mode. Like, "bodily harm would result" levels of overprotective. Therefore, we kept it very, very secret. 

(Which, naturally, was half the fun.) 

I'll spare you the details. Like I said, short-lived affair. I moved to DC, he called sporadically, we rekindled a few times when I was home visiting. End of fun, but not very exciting story?

Last time I saw him was at Brother's wedding - three years ago. He was there with a date but texting me from the next table, flirting with the idea of a rendezvous behind the wedding tent. (In a moment of rare good judgment, I opted out)

The sporadic phone calls continued all through law school - "Hey B, it's me - I'm in town, we should get together." I carefully avoided them all. (Woot, more good judgment!)

Because, wait for it, by this time Wedding Date was his GF. And they were living together. And she had become BFFs with Brother and his wife...  

Of course she had.

You may ask: where am I going with this?

Guess who's hosting Brother's birthday party tomorrow? That would be me. 

Guess who will be attending? That would be Friend. 

Guess who else? That would be Wedding Date/GF/BFF

This oughta be good.

(And for the cherry on top: Have I mentioned that the guest of honor is in AA? And thus I will be navigating this minefield without a cocktail in hand?)

So really, by "good", I mean "potentially never-before-reached levels of uncomfortable"

The Tooth Fairy Returns

Graduating from law school and moving back home was not exactly in my game plan. But what can you do? And so far it's nice to spend time with my family - especially the nephews.

I'm starting to get why everyone's always talking about "oohh it just goes so fast." Because hell, last I checked J was pretty much just laid there - and cried a lot. Now he runs around - and yells random syllables. And A? I'm pretty sure his first birthday was yesterday but somehow he's in first grade. SLOW DOWN!

Part of that whole growing up business - 

The first baby tooth fell out. 

Tooth Fairy left him $5. Sweet deal!

And he's playing baseball now - in the same league I grew up playing in. 

Like, I remember making daisy chains in the outfield and thinking that playing pitcher's helper was the coolest thing ever. 

Twenty years later (TWENTY! 2-0!)...I show up on Saturday mornings for his games and check out the hot dads. 

(Of course none of them are single, and even if they were...playing stepmommy is not in the cards for me. But it makes the game go so much faster to look! Also worth noting: I'm pretty sure baseball dads weren't always this cute. My mom, however, says they totally were.)

But anyhow, back to A...he's pretty sure he's going to get drafted by the Cubs next year. To which I repeat: SLOW DOWN! And, also, learn how to catch a fly ball first.

Listening intensely to his third base coach.

Whose only advice is this - 

Run A, run!

Luckily he still has adorable little boy moments too. 

Yes, Cosmo. You're cute too.

Actual Facebook Message

Subject: potentially uncouth question

are you still in bloomington? any interest in a covert rendezvous?

My question is this...

How, pray tell, does one go about responding to such a message?

Because I find myself torn between "kind of hilarious" and "appalled and slightly offended."

Consider the following factors in forming your answer:

1. The uncouth questioner is a dude in my law school class.
2. Yes, I may have hooked up with him. 
3. Twice.
4. It was nearly two years ago.
5. I haven't so much as spoken to him in about as long.
6. We're not even Facebook friends.
7. Last I was told, he has a girlfriend.
8. Who would presumably find the uncouthness of his question more "definite" than "potential"

If your answer is either "ignore him" or "make fun of him for being desperate," then I tend to agree!

However, if you have another answer, please share - with analysis referencing the above factors, if possible :)

*Silver lining: at least he's not married!

What [little remaining] dignity I possess is applauding

It's official.

I have unsubscribed Perez Hilton from my Google Reader.

(Don't worry, celebrity gossip updates will continue courtesy of Lainey!)